Abuse is traditionally defined as threatening behavior designed to defeat another human being. Emotional abuse leverages negative feelings like fear, guilt, and shame to control one’s partner. Common abuse tactics include insults, threats, criticism, and coercion. Another common and talked-about technique is gaslighting. Gaslighting involves one person convincing the other to question their own memories and conviction. Often, emotional abuse overlaps with physical and sexual abuse. However, it can also appear on its own.

In some relationships, partners might both be emotional abusers. In other relationships, there is only one abuser and one victim. Abuse may intensify then fade, flaring up during some periods then becoming less intense during other times.

Emotional abuse can be hard to identify if it is not obvious and constant. Some people excuse their abuser’s behavior, blaming it on stress, a bad mood, or childhood issues. Since emotional abuse often causes low self-esteem, it is not uncommon for the victim to believe they deserve the poor treatment. If the abuser is gaslighting, the victim may even think they imagined the abuse.

Signs of emotional abuse aren’t always clear, but emotional abusers often display these behaviors:

• Controlling money and spending
• Constantly pointing out flaws
• Using silent treatment as a punishment
• Controlling who you see or where you go
• Using guilt as a weapon
• Blaming all relationship hardships on you

These are only a few examples of emotionally abusive behavior. However, they all share one thing: control. An emotionally abusive person will seek control in every aspect of their relationship. The relationship doesn’t have to be romantic. Emotional abuse can happen between friends, coworkers, a boss, or a family member.